Sunday, June 26, 2011


     Every addict no matter what the addiction has a 'trigger' that is like shooting a bullet from a gun.  The trigger will send a normally responsible person into a state of insanity!  The addict will find themselves fighting an internal battle against the forces of his/her own mind.  I know because I AM an addict!  When I started down the road and journey toward recovery I thought my only addiction was to alcohol.  But throughout the process of learning myself, I have discovered that I'm also addicted to food and acceptance of people.  I have learned this addiction is called being co-dependent!  As times goes by, I will probably discover that there is other addictions that I have yet to acknowledge.  

     Stress is my biggest trigger to pushing me toward the desire to succumb to the beckoning of the bottle.  The first signs of stress when I feel my body tensing like a rubber band that is being wound too tight, my taste buds also start to salivate as my mind begins to remember the 'relaxing effects' of the alcohol.    This is when my struggle begins as I fight against the draw to alcohol.   I instantly become short tempered and I know this about myself so I try to distance myself from my family because I KNOW I have caused them too much pain  when I was still drinking.  So in my mind, to prevent further pain and confusion, I try to distance myself until the wave of strong alcohol desire subsides.  However, my family doesn't understand the sudden withdrawal and misunderstand my actions as hostility towards them and some even speculate that I am secretly drinking again.  It becomes a vicious circle because their negative feelings lead me into further stress and my stress leads them into further negative feelings!

     Thankfully, I have an understanding husband who has been to hell and back with me and has learned when he sees the cycle begin, he will lovingly pull me off to the side and support me as I am able to talk my feelings out.  I know the importance of having a 'sponsor' with any addiction but I also understand about having a supportive spouse in the recovery process.

   S T R E S S  =  stinking thinking resulting everytime stress succumbs!!  So I am learning (because the learning process never stops) to stop thinking, relax, enjoy, sweet surroundings.  In other words, when S T R E S S beckons me to take a drink, I will remind myself that there is a true beauty to beheld in not only family relations but life in general when I just take the time to open my eyes, heart, and soul.

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